Saturday, January 28, 2006

Unheard words

I wonder how many people does a man/woman meet in his/her life....well guess there are generally the following categories....people who we
I)just meet say Hi ....Then Bye
ii)meet,talk about the weather may be general politics get to know each others name's and yes Bye
iii) ii)+ meet sometime down the line and slowly build acquaintaince
iv)iii) plus an email(usually forwards) once in a while on topics of general interest
v)slowly some acquaintances continue to keep in touch.....
vi)some of v) get into a closer loop
vii)finely filtered and they are friends

Then after the 7 doors(strange 7 hills of Shabarimala,7 doors of Vaikundam....hmmm some celestial significance....)are real core friends atleast thats how it is for me.......

But then at each level I find there are people who have made indelible lasting impressions.I have wondered why they never came through the next door!!!Well I guess most people did shut the door on me...ha ha ha ...I did not have to do it...

Seriously analyzing I find I did want a few of them who made these subtle impressions to come to my core group....iam interested in the around 50% of these who shut the door on me....kya hua yahaaan?????

I guess people who left me at <=level 4 or 5 never got to know much about me...
so that leaves say around 25% who did get in but got out....why why why?
probably level 5 they understood that they I don't share their interests....fine so may be they found me a bore...since we did not have common interests...ok so that leaves say around 5-10% who did get close to me but then opted out.....

It is this 5-10% say a liltle down level 6-7 that Iam baffled....they did know me but then closed the door....so therein lies the question why?

Ego conflicts?Difference of opinion?Fed up of me? hmmmm......no idea cause they never told me the reason....I guess those who came out of level 7 were those who
had differences but sorted it out with me.....perhaps if the others too had done the same I would have been better than what Iam.

Anyway all said and done...i do wonder why some left with unsaid words which echo somewhere within the closed doors of their hearts....leaving behind them a deafening silence......

May be just a minute or two...perhaps a slap would have made that fine difference
and may be they would have been one among my best people...but then Life is Like that
Man Proposes.....God and yes people too dispose............!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Life is Like This!!!!

I am on solid earth...rock solid that is...got some time now...anyway i will satrt blogging regularly from now on...I was just wondering I used to consider life as a what it is...
In school....well go to school,come back home,do homework,get marks.........
In college...a little more serious....get some recognition...only way get marks since I did not have any other "assets" to my credit...still life was fine since everybody was fine with it....there was pressure when I found ok now I have to get placed thru campus and WIPRO was end of the road for me...i got it...of course i had to slog a lot still that was well fine...the came the University rank....fine....then was the thought of PhD....felt emptiness there...then a little pressure but still I knew i will get into WIPRO and then i joined everything as fine..

Now when I am working i feel endammmooooo work pressure...deadlines is fine no problems..there are teething issues...but then now I have to think what next???
And I have to decide that like a MAN.....

Career...what do i settle for?this itself or should i find someother company or should i go for higher studies??
Life...now I guess I am a pillar in my family for I see that they are a little more comfortable....so what do I do....swaroop shuold get stabilised...2nd year next year for him..I hope he gets serious....hmmm...perhaps after that i will agin go for higher studies???!!!!
Finally marriage...when..how what...I don't want to lend a thought...it makes me scary...I find it difficult to manage myself even.....

The BIG difference I feel between college and work now is that now whatever I do there is so much at stake....responsibility...some times I feel I should not have grown up...but then there is a feeling of having reached a stage where u are happy that u are able to contribute....of having become a MAN....

So life is like this...I used to wonder what people meant by saying "Life is not an easy joke"....correction.....
This is Life...nothing is easy and certainly no jokes......
Now I understand what God meant when he said Man will have to earn his daily bread and toil....(when he cursed Adam and Eve)
Atleast I won't have 'EVE's' pain..ha ha ha thank God I am a MAN!!!

But still I believe Life--->Enjoy Maaaadi!!!!!!!!...Find enjoyment in whatever u do....I don't have a choice here ..ha ha ha